Thanks to Mr. Charles Dickens for letting me borrow his title today. I do respect a good author. My post is very different from his story, though. I’m talking about parents having good expectations for our kids.
One day when we had a few little kids, my husband and I went into one of our kids’ bedrooms to clean up a broken lightbulb. At the time, I was not very good at helping our kids clean up after themselves, and that room was covered with toys. 😬 My husband bent down to start cleaning them up. I told him not to worry about that, that I would help them clean their room when we got to that day on the chore chart. What he said next has stuck in my head: “I was never allowed to leave a mess like this in my life.”
Something clicked in my mind then about children’s behavior and our expecations for them. If I want them to behave in a certain way, I need to expect it and make that clear to them. I’ve worked at doing that all these years, and they’re still not perfect at cleaning their messes, but they’re soo much better!
Examples of Expectations
My previous example was about expecations for cleaning. What else should we expect of our kids? Obedience is a big one. Table manners come up often at our house. Being polite and respectful to everyone is important. Doing their best in their school work, or any work is something we expect from our kids. What’s important to you about how your kids behave?
Tell your kids what you expect of them as clearly as you can. Here are some examples:
“We don’t put our feet on the table.”
“Say, ‘Thank you.”
“We clean up our games when we’re done.”
“We don’t scream at Mom. Say it nicely.”
What should we expect for each age
From reading about child development and interacting with kids of multiple ages for most of my life, I feel like I have a pretty good idea of what I can expect from the different stages. I wrote before about what I enjoy at each stage in Joy in All their Stages. I’ve also written a little about toddlers and teenagers in a few different posts. I think every parent should learn what they can about child developement. One good source is “Raising an Organized Child” by Damon Korb.
Your expectations for your kids should grow slowly as they grow. I’ll use the messy room example to show you what I mean.
Babies, of course, can’t get out toys or clean them up.
Toddlers are really good at getting toys out, but they will need your help and teaching to put them away.
Preschool age are learning, but they are more likely to get the job done if you’ll help them. I don’t mean do it for them, I mean do it with them.
Elementary age, if they’ve been taught, can clean up toys and games on their own, but usually need a reminder. Sometimes a mess will be too much for them, and your presence and help will make the task less dramatic.
Preteen and up should be able to clean a mess by themselves. But every person is different. You know your child. Expect them to do their personal best.
Remind them
How many times do we have to go over the alphabet before we learn to read? How many times are we told in church to pray and read scriptures? Over and over and over… People are forgetful and need lots of reminders. You will have to remind your kids lots of times of your expectations before you start to see that they are learning. Lots of times those reminders will include helping them to do it. But once they’ve got it, it will be part of who they are.
Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old he will not depart from it.” I think this verse is talking about the training we give our children to live up to our expectations.
Expectations for yourself
If we’re talking about expectations, we have to include ourselves. No parent is perfect, so we can’t expect ourselves to be. But we should expect ourselves to do our personal best. Some days our personal best will be to just make sure our kids are looked after and fed. Other days our personal best will be to help the kids do chores, make a homemade meal, and spend time as a family. Be realistic with your time and energy and give yourself credit where you can, like I talked about in Parenting Fails and Wins.
Thanks for reading my post. I hope you’re enjoying your adventure!
