Being a parent of multiple children brings multiple joys and challenges. One of the callenges is trying to take time to let each child know that they are loved. Here are some ways we are trying to meet each of our kids’ need to feel loved.
Be there for them each day
Since my big kids were little I’ve done my best to make a little time for each one each day. One of the ways I do this is by giving them a hug when they get up. Another way is by being close to the door when they are leaving or coming home, or just saying hi when they walk in the same room as me. Our bedtime routine includes time for each child to tell me whatever they want to say as I sit close to them. Then they get an individual hug, kiss, and I love you before they go to sleep.
One-on-one dates
I try to make time for one-on-one dates with my kids. It usually happens about once a month that I get out with one of them. Since I’m a planner, dates with Mom are planned ahead at least a day or two. And my need for organization makes me want to know that everyone gets a turn. So I got 10 craft sticks and wrote each of our kids’ names on one stick to keep track of who’s had a turn more recently and who hasn’t. It’s not perfect, but they know I’m trying.
Dates with Dad are a lot more spontaneous. He’ll take one or two kids out at a few minutes notice to get his one-on-one time with them. What would work better for you: making a plan, or going when you feel like it? Either way counts as showing your kids you love them.
Let them be themselves
One of the worst things you can do for your kids is to compare them in a negative way to other kids, especially their siblings. Each child needs to feel accepted with their own unique strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes the weaknesses are a lot more obvious than the strengths. Resist the urge to say, “Why can’t you be more like him/her?” The only result that will get will be resentment and self-doubt.
If you can’t think of what your child’s strengths are, you have some work to do watching and showing admiration and appreciation. This will show your kids you love them and help them behave better.
Signs that they need more
Sometimes my kids have gone through phases where they misbehave often, or throw more fits, or have lots of meltdowns. Over time I’ve learned that these are signs that they need more of my love and attention. Sometimes it’s a challenge to make more time for them, but it’s worth the effort. When they were toddlers and I had a baby I’d call them close to read a story with me while I nursed the baby. Or I’d look for a time in the day that I knew I’d be able to be still and try to hold them for 5-10 minutes during that time.
Now our littlest ones are four and six. The younger one often asks me to hold her while she eats a snack. Sometimes I can just hold her. Other times I bring something to work on at the table while I hold her and she eats. For the six year old, I’ve arranged our bedtime routine so that I can have one-on-one time with him for five minutes in his room. I notice that when I do make time for these opportunities to show I love them, they behave better and are more calm and steady in there emotions. Not perfect! But better.
Interruptions are Opportunities
My very first blog post was about kids’ interruptions. It can be frustrating to have to pause in the middle of whatever task we’re doing. But every time the kids come to us asking for help or attention, they are asking for our love. That is the perfect opportunity to pause and let them know they’re important to us. Giving them your full attention for a few minutes says “I love you” like nothing else can. Speaking of which, our 4 year old just asked if I’d play blocks with her, so my time is up.
Thanks for reading my post. I hope you’re enjoying your adventure!
Comment below with ideas you use to help each child feel loved.
