In my thoughts on parenting, I can see that the seasons my children go through come and go, just like the weather outside.
Right now the summer is turning into fall, which is probably my favorite season here in the desert. I wrote this poem about it.
“A Desert Fall”
When fall is coming cicadas stop humming. The days are not as long. The heat is fading, the scorpions hiding, the rains have come and gone. Kids are biking, people are hiking. We'll picnic on the lawn. Birds are coming and they're staying- we love to hear their song. Leaf color showing, citrus fruit growing, cacti are tall and strong. Holidays nearing, happy kids cheering as desert fall comes along.
Making sense of seasons
Before I get to my thoughts on parenting, here are my thoughts on the seasons.
Growing up I was really confused about the seasons. In school they taught us about the seasons as they occur in a deciduous forest. You’ve probably all seen the picture with four trees, the first with blossoms, the next covered in green leaves, then the orange and yellow leaves, then a bare tree with snowflakes around it. That’s just not how the seasons go here in the desert, so it took me a while to figure out what they were talking about.
In my mind, the seasons here in the Sonoran Desert start over with fall. This is when it cools enough to start our gardens and go outside to play. This is when we have the most green because we’ve just been through our rainy season.
In the winter it cools off enough for a light jacket and the trees that will lose their leaves do it then. The citrus trees keep their leaves, and their fruit is ripe at that point. It’s wonderful to be outside in winter.
Spring is glorious with flowers and blossoms. The citrus tree blossoms smell amazing! And spring really comes whenever outside feels like it, it doesn’t wait for the calendar. Our apple tree usually still has a few fall leaves hanging on when the new leaves and blossoms appear. 😆 At the end of spring we get the final harvest from our backyard garden.
And summer is just too hot. The grass and garden plants die from the heat. Summer is the season we are either indoors or in the pool, just waiting for fall to come back.
And it’s a funny thing, when the seasons are changing, my kids wake up more in the night. Do your kids do that?
These show our seasons pretty well. In the fall the lemons on our tree are growing and perfectly match the color of the leaves. In the winter there are a few bare trees and lots of birds! In the spring we get lots of blossoms. In the summer the only thing worth standing outside for is the rain. You can’t see it too well, but there are raindrops on the sidewalk in this pic.
Our lives have seasons too.
Now for some thoughts on parenting.
As a parent I’ve noticed some definite seasons that all my kids pass through. There’s that amazing, exhausting infant stage. I love that toddler stage where they start to show their personality. That stage where you have to start disciplining is not so fun. The stage where the holidays are magical is so fun! The stage where they suddenly don’t like any thing you cook is discouraging! There’s a very pleasant stage at the end of that first decade and starting the second, where they start to have real conversations with you, and they’re just nice to hang out with.
Woven throughout all these seasons are mini seasons that my mom warned me about. She said that in her child development class she learned that about every 6 months kids will switch back and forth between being helpful and watchful, to pushing their boundaries. I have definitely seen this in my kids. Often within a couple weeks of their birthday or half birthday I’ll notice them being nicer or more grouchy and either think, “Whew!” or, “Here we go again.”
I’ve already written a whole post on that stormy teenage season. That teenage stage brings many new thoughts on parenting. And we’ve recently entered a new season in our parenting: one of our kids left home. What will this season bring?
I seem to wake up more in the night when our kids are changing seasons. Does that happen to you?
One really tricky thing about parenting a big family is having so many seasons going on at the same time. The ones that are closer in age need love and attention in similar ways, but the bigger age differences have really different needs. It’s been hard for me to parent both teenagers and babies because I feel like the big ones need me to go and the little ones need me to stay home. I feel so torn. The biggest feeling of torn I’ve had was when I left the little ones with Dad while one teen daughter came with me to drive her big sister two states away to college. My heart was torn in two. And it didn’t feel better leaving that big sister when we drove home. 😩
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
Eccl. 3:1
So what can we do with all these seasons? Change can be a really hard part of life. How can we survive it? How can we help ourselves and our children through it all? Here are my thoughts about parenting through these changing season, and what we’re trying to do about it.
Be a constant for our children through the changing seasons
Keep God as a constant. What a blessing it’s been in my life to have a belief and faith in a higher power. This has been a constant comfort throughout all the changes in my life and in our children’s lives. As parents we hope that our children will also be helped and comforted with God’s love throughout their lives.
We keep Him as a constant as we make habits and traditions of church, prayer, and scriptures. We keep Him close as we listen for His guidance and watch for His blessings, when we think of Him, and talk of Him and talk to Him throughout our days.
Be a constant in your parenting. I can’t really remember from my own childhood, but if it’s hard for us to try to keep up with our children’s changing so often, it’s got to be hard for them, too. Knowing what they can expect from us will help them feel safe.
We keep ourselves as a constant for our children when we set rules and follow through with consequences. We are a constant as we make habits and traditions of spending time together, and speaking respectfully to each other. When we love them unconditionally, even when we hate what they’re doing, they will feel that we are a constant and a comfort they can always turn to. This is what we strive for in our actions and thoughts on parenting.
Be there at the crossroads. I once heard a mother of a large family give this advice, to be there at the crossroads in life when the kids are coming or going. It just made sense in my mind that this would help my kids know that I care, to be there to say hello or goodbye, to let them know that their comings and goings matter to me. So I do this as much as I can. Some days these are the majority of the interactions I get with my older kids, so I’m glad I’ve made a decision to do this.
Enjoy the summer rain. I recently wrote about stopping to smell the roses in Stealing Some Time. I wrote about a similar concept, of putting your kids before your to-do’s, in my first post Interruptions. I must think this is important to me if it keeps popping up, huh?
Every season has beauty in it, and no season will last forever, so enjoy it while it lasts. Coo at your 2 month old, do photo shoots of your toddler, watch and play with them and hold them while they’ll let you. Enjoy their more grown up conversations when they come. Look for and comment on the good and the accomplishments of those teens who need validation in a time that’s so confusing. There is always some good in each stage. The trick is to look for it and make time for it. Like the rain comes and goes so quickly in those scorching summer months, you have to stop what you’re doing and dance in it to really appreciate that it came.
And now fall is here, whew! We made it through one of Arizona’s hottest summers. I am so happy to let my kids outside again, and to take some time to go out with them.
Thanks for reading my thoughts on parenting. If you liked it, share it. And enjoy this season of your adventure.
