The Bible is clear about the Lord’s stand on physical intimacy.
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Genesis 2:24
“Thou shalt not commit adultery.” Exodus 20:14
“For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:” 1Thessalonians 4:3
“But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” Matthew 5:28
The Lord says sexual intimacy in our thoughts and actions is only for a man and woman married to each other.
As parents we know both the pleasure and the long term consequences of sexual intimacy. And we have a responsibility to teach our children about it.
When to Begin Teaching
The easiest time to begin teaching kids about sexual purity is when they are toddlers in the bathtub, exploring their new little bodies. Teach them that there are special parts of their bodies that are not to be played with. These special parts can help them to become parents someday. Knowing the world we live in, it’s a good idea to add that if any other person touches those parts, they need to tell Mom or Dad right away.
Modesty is another thing to consider. When we are teaching our children to cover their bodies modestly, we are helping them to repect their own bodies, and to help others keep clean thoughts about them. We start by dressing them modestly when they’re little, and teaching them to dress themselves modestly as they grow.
When to Have “The Talk”
Most of our kids have been curious and asked questions about where babies come from sometime between age 5 and 10. I’ve tried to just answer their questions and let them know they can talk to me about that. I’m not perfect at this. This has felt like an awkward and sensitive topic to teach my kids. But knowing the Lord expects it of me, I’ve tried to be brave and straightforward.
As you teach your kids how babies are made, also teach them that God wants us to keep this power of creating life between a husband and wife. He wants each baby to be born to two loving parents.
If your kids are preteens and still haven’t asked, it’s time to take them aside and teach them. This sensitive topic needs to come from parents. The world doesn’t teach sexual purity when it teaches about physical intimacy.
Preteen age is also a time when you need to talk to them about changes their bodies will be going through in their teenage years. It’s important for them to know that they can go to their parents with questions or concerns about those changes. You can read more on this topic on “Teaching about Procreation and Chastity” at churchofjesuschrist.org.
Talking with your Teens
As teenager bodies are maturing and becoming capable of being parents, they can start to experience the kind of feelings that can lead to physical intimacy. We need to talk to our teens about those feelings. We need to warn them that getting caught up in the moment can mean giving up plans for a bigger picture.
One way to teach about these feelings is with a dessert analogy. If you’re hungry and you see is a plate of cookies, you are going to want a cookie a lot. You know that you’re supposed to wait till after dinner to eat one, but that doesn’t make it less tempting. If you’ve decided ahead of time that you’ll wait till after dinner, or if you make sure you aren’t alone with the cookies, it’s easier to put the cookies out of sight until you’ve eaten your dinner. If not, it would be very easy to give in and eat them ahead of time.
Those feelings of hunger and wanting food are similar to the feelings that lead to sexual intimacy. Tell your teens to decide right now that they will save their sexual intimacy for marriage. When the choice is already made, they won’t have to think about it in the moment. Teach them to set boundaries in their relationships to help them keep their own committments. Teach them that it’s not ok to be all alone with their date, for their phyisical and spiritual safety.
You can find more in “For the Strength of Youth: A Guide for Making Choices,” found at churchofjesuschrist.org.
Teach Repentance
Teaching our children how to repent is important. We all sin from time to time. And even though we hope our children will keep their sins small enough that they won’t be life changing, they have to know that there is always hope for peace and joy in the future.
From the time I was a child at church, I’ve been taught simple steps of repenting.
- Admit that you did wrong.
- Pray for forgiveness.
- Do your best to make it better.
- Do your best to not let it happen again.
- If the sin is serious, get help from a church leader.
If we are sincere in our repenting, the Lord has promised, “though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.” (Isaiah 1:18)
Why? Because “God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16
“I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.” Luke 15:7
I used to think that last verse meant that God doesn’t care as much about good people as He does about sinners, but that’s not what it’s saying. We have to realize that each of us is the sinner in that verse! We may sin differently, but we all need God’s saving grace, and He is so happy when we ask for it!
What sexual purity means for me
I’m very thankful to have been taught from childhood that God wants me to keep my body sacred and save sexual intimacy for marriage. I’m very thankful for a relationship with my husband that is so special, in part because we save intimacy for only each other. I’m very thankful that every time I got pregnant I knew that our baby would be born to two parents who were working together to take care of them. Think of the peace that has blessed my life from keeping that commandment from God! He gives the best advice!
Thanks for reading my post. I hope it adds to the joy in your parenting adventure.
