Teaching Kids to Sleep

Sleep is so important for our kids’ health and for our sanity. Sometimes sleep is hard to get, though. It can be frustrating and exhausting to keep getting up with your littles night after night. It might be tempting to let them sleep with you forever, just so you can sleep.

There are lots of different methods out there to get your kids to sleep in their own beds through the night. The fact of the matter is that some kids never do sleep through the night. But they can eventually learn how to take care of themselves and go back to sleep. It’s more of the independence and rest we need to aim for than the actual sleep, which can’t be forced.

My hubby and I have used a slow gentle approach, because that’s what felt good to us. Now all of our kids let us alone through most nights. And if any of them need us in the night, they know they can come to us. After years and years of being up and down with babies in the night, it feels amazing to often get a full night’s sleep!

What you do during the day can affect your sleep

No matter how old you are, what you do when you’re awake will affect how well you sleep. Here are some things to do to help your kids sleep better:

• Exercise – Even a 10 minute walk will improve your sleep. Encourage your kids to get up and get moving at least once each day.
• Go outside – Something about the sunshine and fresh air of the plants make our bodies more ready to rest when it’s time.
• Have a snack an hour or two before bedtime- Eating too close or to far from sleep time can make it harder to rest. “Bedtime snack” is the first step in our kids’ bedtime routine. That being said, if you’re getting them in bed and they whine that they’re hungry, it won’t hurt to give them a little something. We never can tell when they’re having growth spurts and just need more food than normal.
• Encourage them to drink water throughout the day. Being dehydrated can make it hard to sleep.
• Pay attention to temperature – Dressing kids too warm or not warm enough at bedtime can make it harder for them to settle down. Think about what blankets they’ll use, what you’re dressed in that makes you comfortable, and touch their arms to feel if their skin is warm or cold.
• Make a routine – Whatever you decide to add to your bedtime routine, keep the timing and steps as consistant as possible. That way when it’s time to sleep, your kids will know it.

Helping babies sleep

When babies are little, they can’t be told when to sleep or when not to. For about 6 months or so, Baby leads their sleep patterns. During those first 6 months, it’s important for full-time parents to get sleep when their baby sleeps. You don’t have to sleep as often as they do, but if they’re going down and you’re tired, take advantage of it.

For our babies that woke up often at night, when they were around 6 months old I made a mental effort to help them sleep longer stretches at a time. When they would wake up, instead of instantly taking them to my bed, I’d pat them or dance them for about 5 minutes. Then if they were still fussing, I’d take them to our bed to nurse them. But sometimes they’d go back to sleep and I could put them back in their own beds.

Every night I’d give them 5 minutes. That’s it. I just did that the first time they woke up each night, and soon they’d start waking up later and later. When I was satisfied, I’d stop and let them keep up their new routine. The only one that didn’t work with was #7, who had sleep apnea and a dairy issue that we had to figure out before he slept well. I wrote more about that in Kids and Cow Milk.

Be aware that there will be long nights of sickness or teething, etc, that we just have to put up with.

Helping toddlers sleep

This part gets tricky because they are needing less naps. There are so many adjustments in their sleep schedule from the time they are born to when they don’t need a nap any more. In that final phase, their nap is in the evening and it pushes back their bedtime, sometimes past my bedtime… 🥱

For us, this toddler stage was when we really started in with a bedtime routine. That routine in our family has changed so many times with the number of kids and their ages and stages. A couple years ago I wrote about our bedtime routine in A Bedtime Story. What has stayed consistent for toddlers’ bedtimes throughout the years are these things: brushing teeth, using the potty, putting on pajamas, praying as a family, helping them say their own prayer, and a hug and kiss and “I love you.” Then I rest by them on their bed until they fall asleep. Sometimes I’ve gotten impatient waiting, but the vast majority of the time I’ve loved that quiet peaceful close time with my little ones.

Dad’s job at bedtime at our house has usually been to rest with one kid while I rest with another. Both parents can and should be involved as much as circumstances allow.

Helping our kids sleep

As the kids get a little older, they need a little more push toward independence. I think it’s been about age 4 or 5 that I start to leave them before they fall asleep. We go through our routine, I sit with them for a few minutes, and then I say goodnight and go. I do go back and check on them after several minutes, especially the first few nights. This is how we’ve taught them to fall asleep by themselves in their own beds.

We’ve often had kids coming to our room when they wake up in the night. We’ve tried to keep a designated sleeping spot close to our bed for our returning toddlers or little kids that just want to be close to us. At different times we’ve had an extra mattress on our floor, a blanket on our floor, a couch, and most recently a recliner that our kids can come sleep in when they feel like they need to be close to us in the night. All but the two youngest have grown out of that by now.

Sleep stories

I’ve noticed that most of our toddlers have fought their naps before they were really ready to be done with them. When #5 was about 18 months old, he started fighting his nap time. I tried everything I could think of to get him to settle down and sleep, because I could see that he was tired. And you know a tired cranky toddler does not make a day fun.

After lots of frustration about it, I hid in the bathroom and prayed for help. Then I had a new idea. Acting on it, I had all my kids sit down and read. The quiet in the house and the book for little #5 was just what he needed to relax and take his nap. Whew! Prayer answered! After that I would quiet down all my kids at his naptime and take him to his bed with a book. That did the trick till he outgrew his afternoon nap.

An opposite story was when #8 was almost 2 and fighting his naps. Even with all the experience from 7 previous kids, it wasn’t working. I had heard of other parents letting their kids cry until they fell asleep, and as a last resort, I put him in the crib and sat close while he cried and cried. Ugh! I hated that! And he didn’t fall asleep. Giving up on his naps was what he needed, and what made peace again.

Another time, when our #4 was about 6, she very much in the habit of following me back to the master bedroom after I sat by her at night. She’d lie on the blanket on the floor next to our bed to go to sleep. I was really tired of it and frustrated, not knowing how to get her to cooperate and stay in her bed.

One night I had insisted that she stay in her own bed, but she was crying hard, and kept coming to us saying she couldn’t go to sleep. Dad told her she’d be ok, to just go to her bed. It took what seemed like a very long time for her to go to sleep that night! But she did fall alseep in her own bed, and was pleased with herself the next morning for it. She stayed in her bed every night after that. 😃

As a young mother, a verse of scripture stood out to me in a very powerful way: “Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.” (Mark 10:14) This is what Jesus said when children were brought to Him to be blessed. For me it meant that as I was striving to be like Jesus, I wouln’t forbid children to come into our lives, or to come when I was busy, or to come when I wanted to be sleeping. So for us, while we’ve done our best to help our children get the rest and the independence that they need, we’ve used a gentle, compassionate approach, and it’s worked.

Thanks for reading my post. I hope you’re enjoying your adventure!