Morning Hugs

There is an importance of affection in a relationship with your kids.

Are you a hugger? I’ve met some people who will hug just about anyone. I’ve met other people who rarely hug anyone. I’m a comfort-zone hugger, meaning I’m a hugger when it comes to people I know and love. And I don’t mind if a random hugger gives me a squeeze. 😊

I grew up in a huggy family. I was very comfortable hugging my parents and siblings, or holding their hands, or leaning on them as we sat together. As an older sister I was often holding or carrying one of the younger siblings. Sometimes as I went about doing things I would suddenly realize there was a kid on my hip and not remember when they got there. 😆 This was just part of our family culture.

Everyone needs a loving touch once in a while. 

Affection is important. It helps us feel loved, safe, and happy to get a sincere hug. I’ve read and heard so many times about the benefits of hugs and loving touches. If you look up “health benefits of hugs” you’ll get all kinds of surprising evidence that people need hugs. Did you know that hugs and chocolate induce the same happy hormones?

Some tips about hugs and parenting have stuck in my mind over the years. One source, that I’m sorry I don’t remember now, said that children need held and touched in different amounts depending on their age. When they’re infants they need physical touch almost constantly. At a year old they need a loving touch hourly. At 2 years every 2 hours, at 3 years every 3 hours, etc. After 12 years old people need hugged twice a day for the rest of their lives, or so said this particular source.

Other parenting advice that sticks in my mind said that if your children are behaving badly, you should hold them every day for 10 minutes. If they still behave badly, add another 10 minutes. While such rigid rules are hard to keep track of in the chaos of real life, I do believe the meaning behind them, that kids need lots of loving touches everyday. And I have honestly seen that my children are more ok when they get enough hugs. (Nutrition is another thing that can help with behavior problems.)

In my experience with kids, hugs and being held are one of the few things that help to prevent and heal meltdowns. I remember one day at a mealtime, when our #2 was about 3 years old, she was crying and I was frustrated not knowing what she needed. When I stopped what I was doing and looked up at her sad face, I knew that what she needed was a hug. A lot of the time all they need is a few minutes of a loving touch to make everything feel better. This is the importance of affection.

“Morning Hugs” at our house started with our first baby. 

When baby #1 was a toddler, I noticed that he didn’t ever come asking for a hug, but he would come bump into me. I realized that this was his way of letting me know he needed a hug. I also noticed that if I gave him a hug first thing in the morning he would behave better all day. So I started making an effort then, and it turned into a tradition. Everyone in our house gets a morning hug every day.

We start with morning hugs. Then there are hugs for scrapes and bruises, hugs for hurt feelings, or just spontaneous hugs. There are snuggles when we read together, hand holding when we sit or walk together, and carrying littles on my hip. On and on until our goodnight hugs at bedtime. We are acting on the importance of affection.

Respect your child’s feelings about hugs. 

While everyone needs affection, it can’t be forced. A couple of our teenagers have had stages where they don’t want my hugs. 😕 That’s hard for me to take, but respecting people’s wishes can speak as loudly as a hug can. One of those big kids is now back on hugging terms, and I’m sure I get enough hugs from the other people around here that I’ll be ok until the other one comes back around.

It’s interesting to see how different each child is. Some need lots of hugs and some only need a few. Our little #9 is a very affectionate little guy, but he’s also pretty wild. Most of the time when he needs to affection he’ll jump on someone or climb on my back. 😮 He loves it when we wrestle with him and I enjoy hearing his happy laughter over it. 😄 I can easily see how hugs or lack of hugs effect his well being. Watching our kids has helped me learn about the important of affection in various ways.

As the mom in the middle of all this hugginess, somedays I can feel overloaded with hugs! Sometimes I just want to run and hide and say, “Don’t touch me!” But it never takes long before even I feel like I need a hug again. Here in my family I’m in the perfect place to get all the affection I need.

So there’s my post for this week. Thanks for reading it. And give your kids some hugs today, because it helps them enjoy their adventure.