Over the years as we’ve had a baby and toddler again and again, I’ve often thought to myself that life is harder with a baby. Taking care of a baby is a full time job, and then some! That includes taking care of their older siblings – your babies that aren’t quite babies anymore. These little ones still need a lot of mom and dad, but not quite as much as they used to. It’s easy to get so busy with the baby that the toddler doesn’t get as much attention as they need. Giving them both what they need takes plenty of effort, which to me has felt like what juggling looks like. It’s tricky!
I can remember the first time I had a baby and toddler crying at the same time while Dad was at work. I felt completely overwhelmed, not knowing where to start to fix the situation. With 3 little kids I wasn’t much better at it. But by the time I had 4, I felt like I was starting to know what I was doing. After many years of having a toddler and a baby more often than not, I’ve learned some things that has made juggling these new additions and their older siblings a little less stressful.
Have the toddler help when they can.
All the work involved in caring for a baby leaves little time left over for their older sibling. To take care of your older baby’s need for attention, you really have to get them involved in what you are doing. One way to do that is to ask for their help. Finding simple ways they can help with the baby gives them needed attention and builds their confidence. It can also help them build a healthy relationship with their new sibling. You can ask them to grab the clean diaper when you change them or the clean wash cloth at bath time. You might have them find a simple toy for baby to practice grabbing. Watch for opportunities and get creative with your requests for their help with Baby.
You can also ask you toddlers to help in simple ways with the cleaning and cooking. It’s surprising how helpful those little ones can be with moving the laundry to the basket or adding the chopped tomatoes to a salad. My kids have loved having their own broom so they can sweep while I sweep. That may not really help. Sometimes they start sweeping away what I just swept together! But it is another chance to spend time with them and boost their confidence. Remember to praise their effort whether they actually helped or not.
Call your toddler close while you’re feeding baby.
Feeding a baby takes so much time! Whether you’re breastfeeding or bottle feeding, it feels like most of the day is spent feeding them. So where does that leave your older baby? Well, it could be close by, or it could be out of sight. It’s really tricky to keep track of them when your hands are so full of the younger baby. But both baby and toddler need a lot form you, and this could be another opportunity to spend time with them.
Each little person is unique, so you’ll have to figure out what works best for your toddler. Some of mine have liked to snuggle up and listen to me read them a book while I’m nursing the baby. Others like it better if I just watch them play close by, commenting on their block towers or their playdoh creations. I have one who loves to entertain, and would put on a show for me while I sat nursing. Sometimes it’s been as simple as letting them sit close to me while they’re watching a show or playing games on their kindle. Whatever they want to do, it will help them feel loved and help you not worry if you find some way to keep them close while you feed your baby.
Baby and toddler issue: Discipline while nursing??
I was blessed to be able to breastfeed all my babies, which you can read more about in my post Why Breastfeed. It’s so frustrating to sit down to feed the baby and hear the little one(s) getting into trouble. I can remember nursing one baby, either #4 or #5, and hearing my older kids misbehaving in the other room. I sat there hollering at them, which they completely ignored. And the yelling startled my baby. And I just got madder and madder. Yikes! I have to admit that I worried a lot about their little misbehaviors back then. I was pretty much a no-nonsense kind of mom. That was exhausting, and a topic to pick up another time.
Still, I got all the way to baby #10 without ever finding any advice or figuring out how best to handle this situation. But! I have a wonderful set of smart ladies I can turn to, and when I asked them what they thought, the outcome was clear. If your little one is not causing any danger, just let it go. Let yourself enjoy being with your baby. If they are in serious need of your parenting, baby will be ok for a minute while you get the toddler taken care of.
Make special time for toddler while baby sleeps.
Keeping your toddler close while you’re busy is great, but it probably won’t fully fill their need for your love and attention. Luckily, babies take naps. Even if their naps are short, you can take a few minutes of their nap to spend time with your older baby.
When we just had 2 little kids, and our baby took a nap, baby #1 and I would play a game together. I would let him pick. Most of the time it was “Shoots and Ladders” or “Candy Land.” I loved how he called the “Sticky Licorice” spaces “Stickolish.” 😆🥰 I loved that time with our little guy.
Some other things our toddlers have liked me to do with them is read, color, play playdoh, watch them play in the backyard, do puzzles, and build train tracks. Sometimes they just want me to hold them while my hands aren’t full of baby. I haven’t been as consistent with my toddler time as my life has gotten busier, but I’ve made an effort. And I know that our toddlers have had better days when I’ve made time for them.
Put quiet time in the routine for baby and toddler and you.
Oh, my goodness, don’t you get tired taking care of little ones all day and into the night? Yawn! 🥱
Of course we try to sleep at night. Some babies will support that effort, and some babies won’t. Often the toddlers don’t sleep through the night, and end up in our bed before morning. At this point it kinda feels like that’s been for half my life. I just get so tired, you know, that I’m like, whatever I have to do to sleep, I’ll do it. (And it’s another thing when you have teenagers who want to stay up late talking to you. 😫 Or they want to stay out late and leave you worrying. But that’s a story for another day.)
So why do I feel a little guilty telling you that for years now I’ve let the tv babysit for a while in the afternoon while I take a break? It’s essential to have a break of some sort, and that works for me.
Whether or not you use the tv to babysit, I highly recommend having some kind of quiet time in your routine everyday. This little rest can be so refreshing to help you get through the day. It’s also nice for those toddlers who still get a little tired before the day’s over.
Accept Toddler’s feelings about Baby, even if you don’t like them.
Sometimes toddlers get jealous of new babies, which is totally understandable. This tiny person has just taken over the household, completely changed the schedule, and hog their parents’ time and attention! But if they say they don’t like baby, it’s hard for us as parents to say it’s ok for them to feel this way. We don’t want to give them permission to not like this new baby that we’re in love with! Strangely enough, telling them it’s ok to feel this way is exactly what they need to get over it.
Again and again in parenting books and experiences I’ve seen the importance of accepting our children’s feeling. A person who can accept their feelings can be healthy emotionally, and make better choices about what to do with their feelings. That can start when they’re very young if their parents accept their feelings.
Of course I’m not suggesting you encourage hatefulness or allow any kind of hurting of baby. Just let your kids know that you understand why they would feel that way. An excellent source of advice on this issue is a book called “Siblings Without Rivalry” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. You can find it on Amazon by clicking here.
Let the less important things go for now.
Somehow, even when our lives have been turned upside down taking care of a tiny helpless person, we still expect ourselves to keep up with everything. We try to maintain a clean house and well groomed children and homecooked meals and service projects and personal hobbies. Well, stop it. That’s completely unrealistic.
It’s ok if your toddler stays in their pajamas all day or if they’re watching too much tv. Don’t worry if you’re watching tv with them while you feed baby for hours on end. It’s ok if you eat cereal for dinner sometimes and if your floor only gets swept once a week or less. Taking care of yourself and your kids is top priority at this point. And when things get easier, and I promise they will, you can slowly get back to the homecooked meals, swept floor, proper play clothes, and plenty of outside time. Just enjoy the stage you’re in while it lasts. Toddler and baby years are full of precious moments.
Thanks for reading my blog. If you liked it, share it. And go enjoy your adventure.
