Teenagers… am I right? (I said that just like our teenager would.😆)
We gave a couple of our teenagers ear buds or head phones for Christmas, thinking about how they would enjoy listening to their music. Then the reality of them not hearing when we talk to them settled in and we wondered if that was really a good idea for a present. It’s hard enough to connect with teenagers without something blocking their ears from you.
I wrote about how to parent teenagers in The Storm Years. That really can be a tough time and require a lot of effort and patience. As we’re working our way through our 5th adventure with a teenager, I feel like we’ve learned a few things about keeping up a relationship with them in this stage of their life.
Tip #1 – Don’t Assume. Ask.
Their favorite food might have been mashed potatoes for the past 13 years, but that doesn’t mean it still is. During this time of great change, don’t assume you know any of your teen’s favorites or dislikes. Instead, ask them if they still like this or that. They will appreciate it.
Tip #2 – Show them you trust them.
Part of parenting is helping your kids have opportinities to grow. Just as young children need small responsibilities to help them grow, teenagers need bigger responsibilities to help them grow. By giving your teenager opportunities to do more, you boost both their confidence and their connection with you. Some things I’ve let my teens do are run errands, drive their siblings around, get into our important documents, make the weekly grocery order, and cut my hair. What responsibility could you give your teen that lets them know you trust them?
Tip #3 – Make time for them.
Time for your teenager will look different for different teens and at different times. Sometimes it will mean staying up late while they talk to you about whatever is on their mind. It means showing up to their events, whether it’s a ball game or a math competition or a musical. When they’re older teens it could mean inviting them to dinner whether they show up or not. Hopefully it will also mean some one-on-one time and family time. It’s our responsibility as parents to show love with our time.
Tip #4 – Catch them doing good.
It’s always important to notice and give praise for a good job or a kind deed done by our kids. This is especially important in the teen years when their self-esteem is the most fragile. They seem to like it more when you don’t make a big deal out of it, though. Just a simple thank you or good job seems to be more appreciated than going on about how wonderful it is.
Tip #5 – Make the most of car rides.
Young teens like to go lots of places and need rides. Make the most of that time because that might be all you get to see of them that day. Older teens usually take themselves, and I find myself missing them once they have their driver’s license. But every once in a while we’ll go somewhere together, and I feel like it’s a great opportunity to have a conversation and reconnect.
That’s all for today. Thanks for reading my post. I hope you’re enjoying your adventure.
